SK US WHAT OUR LAST MEAL WOULD BE,
and like many a Marylander, we’ll tell
you the following: There will be crabs. Of
course, in The Land of Pleasant Living,
there are endless ways to eat them—fried
into cakes, stacked into sandwiches, studded
into soups, whipped into imperial—and even more places to do so—sports bars,
steakhouses, market stalls, gas stations.
(Not to mention a dip-covered hot dog at
Camden Yards.)
But in our opinion, other
than an all-you-can-pick feast in your own backyard, there is no more
iconic means of indulging in our state crustacean—the Callinectes sapidus,
aka “beautiful, savory swimmer”—than at a true-blue crab house,
be it on the streets of Baltimore City or edge of the Chesapeake Bay.
And you’ll know one when you’ve found it. The tables will be wrapped
in brown paper, likely already armed with a roll of paper towels and
a bucket for discarded shells.
The scent of seafood seasoning will be
ever-present—and not Old Bay, but some house version of the saltier
J.O. Spice. At one point, the walls were probably knotty pine—mounted
with a taxidermied marlin—and fingers crossed that’s still the case. On
tap? National Bohemian, or something equally affordable. For dessert?
A slice of Smith Island cake. The chalkboard menu? Scribbled with a
list of steamed crabs by size and price. And the surefire giveaway? Free
copies of PropTalk magazine and a Keno machine by the front door.
Though no two classic crab houses are exactly alike, each is no fuss
or frills and always full of nostalgia, without being drowned in kitsch
for kitsch’s sake—the kind of well-seasoned patina that can only be
earned with age. In fact, many of these old-school establishments have
been in the family for generations, their decadently down-home food
made using taken-to-the-grave recipes adorned with little more than
a dollop of cream, bed of lettuce, or pack of saltines. And it’s because
of this, in part, that they’re becoming somewhat of an endangered
species, as owners and regulars age out and dining trends shift toward
more modern and elevated eating, a la glitzy seafood towers to
be served alongside Champagne. While tourists are commonplace,
even catered to, they always leave room for locals, who keep coming
for a taste of Maryland tradition.
And since none of us knows when
we’ll kick the bucket, you should waste
no time in planning a trip to one of “The
Classics” that are featured below and culled from across the
state. May they carry on for the long
haul, and continue to be a cut—or crack
of a claw—above the rest.
Opening Spread: Clockwise from left, A
pay phone and bucket of
crabs at The Red Roost;
the market at Chic’s
Seafood; a marlin on the
wall at Courtney’s.
Opening Spread: Clockwise from left, A
pay phone and bucket of
crabs at The Red Roost;
the market at Chic’s
Seafood; a marlin on the
wall at Courtney’s.